I May Be A Bitch, But At Least I'm Not You!

Marilyn Monroe once said, "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

I've been saying this quote in my head for about a week now, wondering if it will make any difference what-so-ever in what I really feel...and exactly what it is I'm really feeling anyway is unknown as this time. If I had to sort out my thoughts, I guess you could say that I've felt defeated, a little betrayed, and most of all slandered. People are so quick to tell you "stand up for what you believe in" until it comes down to being something that they themselves don't agree with. Then they want to hush you. People are so quick to judge you behind your back, even though to your face they seem trustworthy. Like Marilyn has said, "I've never been bitten by a dog, only people."

So, I guess I'll get to my point.... a few people out there think that I'm a real bitch. They confuse my confidence for arrogance, my courage for defiance, and my good intentions for self-gratification. Most of what I say is out of tough love. But again, that's confused with bitchiness. It's okay for them to sit there and judge others, and call names, and let their distaste be known... but God forbid someone have a rebuttal to your accusations. When I am confronted with people accusing me of wrong-doing, there is no way I can sit out on what I have to say. My husband, however, is excellent at this. He will take it all in, think, and decide that the fight is not worth it and move on, calmly and peacefully. I've begged him to teach me this, but I am so afraid to lose my voice. My bravery. My pride! I like the fact that I can stand in the fire. I like the fact that if you cross me, I will double-cross you. But I'd also like it if people would stop thinking I'm some horrible monster just because I stand up for myself. I don't sit back and let people decide who I am. I'm not going to remain calm while someone is slandering my good faith. It's a double-edge knife, I suppose. On one hand, I'd like respect for being so brave. But on the other hand, no one will respect me if they can't understand my bravery.

I can't help but wonder what people would say at my funeral.